Hipsters . . . lack of coats

Okay. I understand that global warming is taking place and that winter is pretty mild compared to those faced by people on the Oregon Trail. And on the Oregon trail that had some rags and corn tusk to wrap themselves in so they froze to death. HOWEVER, why do hipsters find it necessary not to wear coats in the the winter? I would first assume it is because they cannot afford it, but they are paying for overpriced converted loft space in Williamsburg. Then I thought it is because they might not be cold, but they weight only about 75lbs (wet) and have no body fat. So the only logical answer to why they dont wear coats is because they are fucking aholes. . . . that has to be it. So the next time it is twenty degrees on the subway and you see a hipster wearing nothing but a spring jacket and leggins please make sure to call them out on it . . .

non new yorkers

I hate when non new yorkers bash new york to native new yorkers. You know fuck heads - just leave then! Here is a sampling of a conversation with a non new york - he will be called "jerk" to protect his identity so he does not get jumped.

jerk: I'm sorry by New York has the shittiest weather!!!!!

jerk: My building feels like it is going to blow over...

me : aww ny weather is great, i like that we actually have four seasons

jerk: I guess I was spoiled with the more mediterranean feel of the west coast.

me: i have never been to the other coast

jerk: Please don't take this the wrong way... ...and it isn't necessarily directed toward you... ...but a lot of New Yorkers are hilarious to me. There is such a self-absorbed attitude of superiority that drips with a sort of hubristic malice for anyone who isn't from here... ...but most of the people I've have met (save those from other areas) have never left! They haven't seen anything of the world but pretend to be so worldly and sophisticated.

me: ugh huh i see and . . .

jerk: There may be some truth to it. :P But you know . . . : Overall people are very nice and highly socialized here.
me: we are, but i dunno maybe it is me being ignorant but its new york . . . i dunno, i could care less about seeing most of america (most of america voted for george w. bush and john mccain . . .

jerk: hat's it right there! There isn't even a curiosity to travel and absorb the history and grandeur of the continent. I just don't understand that attitude at all... Now, mind you, I have a similar view of the midwest. I'll just fly over it, thank you, and let them grow my lunch... I'm pointing out a sociological behavior trend, that were you to track it in a study, would no doubt come out to be true for a portion of the city for whatever reason... ...and you could go in depth to explain its causes, etc. But instead of acknowledging it you get defensive.

me: i am not getting defensive [though at this point i am, calling my peeps in the marlboro projects to go kick this cracker's ass]

jerk:: I guess there is an attitude that NY is the best, so why bother seeing anything else? I'm not from New York so what the fuck do I know?

me: i am not sure if i agree with your comments or statements but i will acknowledge them as different from my own, but i know people who would bust a cap in your ass for making comments like this on the street . . .

jerk: But, having not been anywhere else... ...how could you know any different?

me: Listen jerk off, I have traveled all over Europe and have lived in other countries for periods of time, I am sorry for wasting my time there instead of standing in front the Grand Canyon with overweight Midwesterners videotaping their first trip outside the trailer park

jerk: I think if people were more open to ideas and opinions there wouldn't even be an issue.

me: but there is this weird thing that when a non native new yorker complains about NYC that gets me going . . so no offense to you, but get the fuck out. LEAVE. WE dont need your nasty ass fuckin attitude up in here. So go back to the little hole you crawled out of and take your graphic tees, ill fitting pants and stupid bikes that you ride on the brooklyn bridge and shove it all up your fuckin ass. Cause you know what, I dont give a fuck that I never saw your neck of the woods . . I dont give a shit what you think of me, cause as far as I am concerned your a dime a dozen of those ambitious artist trying to make their start in the big city . . . well get your applebee's apron cause that is as close to success as you are getting . . .

jerk: no reason to be nasty.
me: Ohh! there is reason to be nasty, cause I will cut you. I will fuckin cut you up so bad your mama wont even remember what you looked like so step back bitch . . . STEP

Charity . . .

So today as I was walked around 14th Street I was stopped several times by douche bags in blue vests trying to get me to donate to some charity for disabled children with learning problems who lived through a tsunami and escaped a military government with full blown AIDS and/or cancer yadda yadda. So I am thinking "leave me alone, I am trying to shop without feeling guilty." I admit that I am broke but I still shop and it makes it worse having to reject their advances for a donation - it makes me feel even worse. PLEASE, leave me alone people. With such hard economic times it is really distasteful that these people assume I want to waste my money on charity. And then when I reject them by ignoring them or flipping them off they have the nerve to say "well have a nice day." I much rather donate to a charity that at least gives me something back in return like address labels or a free calendar. I would really like to report these people to the police but the last time I did an officer had the nerve to call me crazy . . CRAZY, ha! More like concerned citizen. I urge all other concerned citizens to write their congressperson to get these sadistic charity workers off our city streets!

Hipsters . . . bikes

I will have many posts I am sure on hipsters - as they are the bane of my existence. My first rant will be their bicycle riding. I am not opposed to the riding of bikes - hey! it is the national transportation of China. But unlike the Chinese who are creative and innovative, hipsters lack common sense and tend to smell. Instead of wearing appropriate gear to ride their bikes like bicycle shorts, mesh shirts or sneakers, they tend to wear fitted jeans, converse and button down plaid shirts. And they proceed to think that they can then continue to go to work wearing such clothes after having biked from South Williamsburg (which doesn't even exist - its called Buschwick assholes!) to the Upper East Side. Now, I speak of this from personal experience, YOU STINK! PLEASE! that is why you bring a change of clothes and clean yourself up in the bathroom (use some deodorant) and then proceed to work. Lets be honest, the train is only $2, you could always take your bike to work on the train and then ride home so that you are smelly for your roommate and not your co-workers. Do you think you are ever going to get a good job smelling like that? I know you are still hold out for that record deal or that your zine will take off - but lets be honest, you suck! Your life sucks! And your bike makes you look stupid. Yeah, I said it, STUPID! Join a Gym you cheap fuck! Oh, and by the way, yeah you may be thin but you are poor and dirty.

The Mentalist . . .

Today while stepping into Duane Reade to get shampoo there was a large advertisement for CBS' new series "The Mentalist." And the show is as bad as the title suggests, "A mentalist turned private investigator uses his skills to help the police." What the hell is a mentalist? Couldn't they just say mind reader, fortune teller or psychic? It really grinds my gears how bad TV has got, especially all these cop shows. Now I will admit my love for Law & Order and god forbid I should miss an episode of SVU. But the Mentalist? It is as bad a"Shark" (starring the one and only James Woods) and "CSI Miami" - even though the later tends to have lots of hot people. So as I walked through Duane Reade I thought to myself that I should come up with a TV show by just adding "-ist" to the end of items I saw in the store . . . . here is a short list:

"The Tamponist" A one time gang leader tampon turns its life over to help police fight street crime in South Central L.A..

"The Shampoosit" A one time crystal meth transgender shampooist turned private investigator uses his/her fierce sense of style to help lesbians battle crime.

"The Doucheist" Once down and out living on the streets of the bronx douche soap has now cleaned up its act to train inner city youth how to play the violin (Meryl Streep will co-star),

If you have any suggestions, please feel free to share!